President's Day--2019

photo by Thomas/ flickr

This year I have read two books on Presidents. The first was by Doris Kearns Goodwin, Leadership. In that book she chooses what she thinks are the four great presidents of our time when it comes to leadership. Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson. All four of these men were very different. Leadership took a different path. They all faced personal crises and national crises as well. She writes that each one of these men were far different later in life than they were at the beginning. What made the difference? Suffering. And their response to it.This seems to be the one key that enabled all four of these men to lead us in the stormy cross-roads times in our history. We are better because they sat in the White House.

The second book I have about finished is Ron Chernow's fine biography of Ulysses Grant. I've been plowing through this 800+ pages for a long time. The author takes us from Grant's early days all the way to the end of his life. Strange man. Nothing seemed to have worked out until he joined the military. Slowly he ascended until he led us through the Civil War and beyond. The grace in which he sat at Appomattox with General Robert E. Lee after he had been defeated is one of the great stories of our history. As a national hero he became President for two terms. History has not been kind to him. Scandal after scandal followed him in Washington. Mostly because of his naievte.  After the civil war when everything was in disarray he led the fight for Reconstruction. He wanted to make sure newly freed black folks had full rights as citizens. I did not realize how very hard he fought for voting rights for black folk. Not an easy lesson. This did not set well with the South and others yet he persisted. The writer points out that this strange little shy man made an incredible difference in a very hard time for America.

As a little boy I often stared at those pictures of President Roosevelt that hung in most of our classrooms. I had heard my parents talk about the Depression days when they and much of the country almost starved. Mr. Roosevelt changed all that. There was no safety net at all--and this President widely opened the door to help people in need. In almost every list he is always included as one of our greatest leaders. 

Since then I don't think I have missed an election for President. We've had all sorts of leaders. None of them were saints. They all had clay feet. But most of them, I think despite egos and lovers of power--most helped our country along. The crises that landed on their desks kept piling up. And we are better for the decisions they made. Their leadership was essential to the greatness of our land.

Especially now I think we have to have a long view of history to keep our perspective. "Through many dangers, toils and snares we have already come..." And today as I view Mr. Trump's pathetic ego and petulance I worry greatly about our country. The lies he keeps giving us are unbelievable. From one day to the next he seems to forget what he said yesterday. This President contradicts himself continually. He keeps a sharp eye on his base. He does nothing that would offend those fans. Base? When he put his hand on that Bible on Inauguration Day he pledged to lead us all--not just his fans. Did he ever take this seriously? Did he forget his charge? Our founders wrote the word: All at the heart of who we are. Yet this President has divided us and demeaned many and spent his energy on the pretty attacks on who he is. More than half of his citizens have been left out of most of his decisions. Our politicians have not really been known for courage in the hard times--but Mr. Trump has completely silenced those that should speak the truth to power. I wrote one of our leaders not too long ago and said: "You may stand with him on issues that are just wrong, but you need to know that everyone who moves close to him comes away broken, abused, demeaned and  crippled." He has left a trail of broken dreams in the lives of so many decent and good people. He does not lead this country. He listens to no advisers that do not coddle his ego and agree with him. 

So many are scared of where we are going as a people. On the dark days I try to remember that we have been here before many timers as a nation. There has been a resiience about us that just keeps going. This is what I remember on President's Day. Leadership matters. Character cannot be scrapped. And I still believe that the rest of our story is yet unknown. And I still believe there is, even in this dark day, a candle that the wind cannot blow out. 

God bless America.

                                                           photo by Bill Dickinson / flickr

--Roger Lovette / rogerlovette.blogspot.com

A Note For Those Who Grieve

photo by Emma Craig / flickr

A wise person remarked, “Losing someone does not come  with instructions.” And they are right. When we lose a loved one we just don’t know what to say or where to turn. Friends try to help. But after the casseroles are gone and family and friends have gone back to their lives—the griever is left alone rattling around the house. 

I have been leading Grief Support groups the last few years. And sitting around that table the stories and the tears just keep coming. Some grief is so fresh they can hardly put their feelings into words. Some old griefs comes surging back when they least expect them. But in that circle people look around at others that walk the same sad road they walk. And they begin to know the powerful truth—life really does come back. 

I try to give instructions but most of the time my words seem hollow. I wrote a note to a friend who had lost his nine-year old daughter. He wrote me back: “Thank you for what you did not say.” Often in our desperate need to help we say too much. Sometimes we say the wrong thing. Some of us just stay away because the threat of this death has comes too close. 

What we should never say is: “God took him.” “She’s better off.” “You’ll get over it.” “What you need is closure.” “Get a dog.” “Reckon you have been punished for something you did?” “God needed her in his flower garden.” “Just think— he or she) is with all those family members that they lost along the way.”

These well-meaning words fall flat on our hearts. What we need is a hug, a visit. Someone not to say so much as just being there. Folks tell me the hardest times are the weeks and months following the funeral. This is when we need to reach out.

One of my favorite grief books is by William Armstrong. After his wife of twelve years died suddenly he wrote a beautiful book, Through Troubled Waters. Mr. Armstrong’s wife had a fever and found it hard to breathe. The doctor suggested she check into the hospital. But the husband got a phone call an hour later: “Your wife is gone.” And this husband was left in the house with three little children. And the book tells his story about his trying to make do after the hardest thing he had ever faced. He writes it was like Noah’s flood. The water came up and he felt it swept away everything. No wife. No Mama. No friend. No neighbor. Just an empty house with three heart-broken children.

Nothing seemed to help. He tried his best to help his kids understand what can never really be understood. Mama is gone and she is not coming back. What can you tell little children—five, seven and a little older that their mother had died? 

So he writes in the book how he sloshed through his grief and how he finally got to the far side of his brokenness. His healing began, he said, when little Mary age five came to her Daddy one day and this is he puts it. “And after the flood she (Mary) will be the dove, bringing the olive branch, showing that the waters are going down and that the earth remains.”

We have to look closely, we grievers. Beyond the loss and the tears often in the smallest of ways something or someone will be your dove. Coming with that tiny green leaf that Noah found and Armstrong discovered. The water really does go down. And we can walk once again on land we thought would never be dry again.

--Roger Lovette / rogerlovette.blogspot.com