He was a Friend of Mine

"He was a friend of mine

He was a friend of mine

Every time I think about him now
Lord  just can't keep from crying
'Cause he was a friend of mine. "

        --Bob Dylan

Unamuno, the Spanish philosopher said that the proper use of a temple is where people come to weep together. We make proper use of this temple today because we come to grieve as a family.

But it’s funny in a time of death and tears and loss—we don’t think about death as much as we think about life—and not just life in general but this specific life—Don Yates’ life. The pictures back there in the foyer are pictures of some of the scenes of his life. And what a life it has been.

Alabama boy...Coffee High School...Liberty National...Coast Guard...University of Michigan...marriage to Ann...tennis friends...Debbie...Jason...churchman...friends...the beach...Austria...Germany... Switzerland...Paris...Africa...Mexico...friends...Disney  world...weddings...Alexander...Nicolai...Emerson...
Courtland...friends...friends...friends.

I must say that Don would be mortified that people were making such a to-do over him. He didn’t like the spotlight—he was more a behind-the-scenes person. But even though he would be embarrassed by all the things we say—I think he would be very proud that we have all come to surround Ann and Jason and Debbie—and maybe most of all these grandchildren: Alexander, Nikki, Emerson and Cortland. He loved them as much as any Grandpa could. We talked about many things in our last visits before he slipped into a coma. But he said the hardest thing about leaving was not being able to watch his grandchildren grow up.

Our paths first crossed when Don and Ann moved back from Oklahoma and joined Covenant again in 1996. They had been charter members of the church—and when a group walked out of First Baptist over the racial issue—they were part of that first group that formed this church. I always felt like Don had a strong sense of justice—and maybe that was part of the reason Don and Ann walked out and help start this church.

But they came back to us when they moved from Oklahoma in 1996 and early on—we became friends. We celebrated birthdays especially. Theirs and ours. And Don would say: “Let’s go to The Club and celebrate your birthday.” He always drove—he loved cars and he loved to drive. But I always wondered if maybe one of the reasons he insisted on driving because he was scared to ride with me. When he turned 65 he bought a convertible that he just loved. We were part of that glorious wedding week-end at Orange Beach when Katie and Jason got married on a yacht. We spent time with them at the Beach. We shared in their joy of the birth of their grandchildren and heard a lot of bragging about Alexander and Nikki. and Emerson and Courtland. Gayle and I took a group to the Passion Play in Germany and  Don and Ann were part of that fun group. When we got ready to retire from the church—Dan and Ann were part of the planning of the celebration the church gave us. And the last Sunday I was here as Pastor I asked Don and Ann to read the Scripture lessons. Weeks later I called them one day and said, “We’re going to Paris to celebrate our retirement—want to go?” And I heard Don turned to Ann and say: “Would you like to go to Paris?” Well—we went and have a heart full of good memories of that trip. Don, being the genius he was in navigation—figured out the Metro subway system—even figured out the French money—and kept us on track. But it was a week to remember.

                                                                                                     

I have pictures galore of our times together. But that night at Judy Bridgers when we celebrated Ann’s birthday and Don held tiny baby Emerson , Jason and Katie’s baby. And Don is just beaming in that picture. It was a wonderful occasion.

Somebody taught him manners along the way—his Mama, the Coast Guard—Ann somebody. He was always sensitive to others. I don’t know how many times I just mentioned something in passing and in a day or two from U.S. Today would come these little cut-out articles and a clipped note—I thought you might to read this.

When I first heard the news that he had bone cancer—I couldn’t believe it. This strong, strapping good man—tall and vital—how could he possibly have cancer? Even today I find it hard to believe.

And I thought about that scene early in John’s gospel when old Nicodemus, a prominent Jewish leader, came to Jesus at night. He whispered, “Can a man be born again when he is old?” He was wanting Jesus, if he had the power, to turn back the clock, change his hair and beard from grey to dark brown--to make him young again. To let the years fall away—to give him more time. Someone said the greatest grief of them all is that we all run out of time. We can’t call back the years. And none of us in this room will be able to stop the ticking of the clock. Our hour glass like Don’s will run out—and so here, in this room where people come to weep in common—we weep for dear Don because it didn’t last long enough. And here, with our fellow-grievers we touch lightly the hard fact that we will all run out of time and that is a very great grief.

And so, we thank God for the memories of Don Yates. A good man, a good, good man. A friend and husband and son and brother and father and grandfather and an Actuary—whatever that is. He not only fought a good fight…he lived a good fight…and now he is in the care and keeping  of the Father.

Some time ago I ran across this quote that I hang on to often: “I came upon earth’s most amazing knowledge—Someone is hidden in this dark with me.” It is a word for Don and Ann and Jason and Katie and these grandchildren and all of us. Someone is hidden in this dark with all of us. And on  very hard day--that is good news. Thanks be to God.

A Prayer for Don

"Into paradise may the angels lead him, may the martyrs take him up into eternal rest, and may the chorus of angels lead him to that holy city, and the place of perpetual light."

                                  --from The Roman Catholic Prayer for the Dead

(Don Yates died Tuesday, 22, 2010 after a battle with bone cancer. These remarks were made at his funeral in Birmingham, AL. on June 25, 2010.  The pictures above show Don in happy days;  2) Don and his beloved wife, Ann at her birthday party; 3) This is Don's son Jason holding his first born, Emerson; 4) This is daughter Debbie and grandson, Alexander; 5) Here are both grandsons: Alexander and Nikolai with their father Nick.)